my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize