That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
