STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
