I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
