but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
