Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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