are you still at the devil's house?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
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