He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
