why im i the only drunk person in the library?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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