After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
