Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Fuck appropriateness.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
