Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize