Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
love makes seman taste better
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
