I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
