last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
zippers are such a cool invention
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
