i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
