you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
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