i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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