dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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