I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
did you just send me my own nude
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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