I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
