Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
