I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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