just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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