so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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