just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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