You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize