Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
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