there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
