I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
