I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
