By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
