Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
