Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
