Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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