dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
