Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
