is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
