i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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