Who did Billy Mays play for?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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