There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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