woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
