I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I have already put on my inside pants.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
