why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
