Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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