My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
