Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
