My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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