1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
