Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
