I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize