he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
