hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
