Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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