i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
