she woke up with a sticky ear
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
