he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
pop tarts are not kleenex
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
