I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize