i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Randomize
