she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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