So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize