Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
