I can text with my tongue
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
