If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize