There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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