Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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