When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
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