Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
