We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
