My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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