Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
